Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
邢冬冬出本有点慢，一个女的都不带，还把家里人都安排上了……小宝没什么张进嘛，包哥才是灵魂，团队之魂
看着两位主要有些眼熟，查了一下原来是线下神剧《毛骗》的原班人马，果然风格和毛骗也非常相似，注重细节，从小处入手，开头的几个笑点非常不错，到影片中段就有些跟不上了，主要问题也是格局有点小了，线下和线上还是有些不同，服化道都不太讲究，单纯靠剧情，其实也没什么过人之处，幸好原班人马出演，磨合的还不错，默契度也够，给四星鼓励一下！
浩然那么好打居然跑了。
整体剧情构架还过得去，糅合了当下一些时尚的元素，诸如老年人被洗脑安利、网游、但是制作有些粗糙、表演也略显浮夸，有些山寨网剧的气质，勉强及格吧
本来要给5星好评，想想少了黎伟和甜甜，还是给4星吧，怕你们骄傲
电影三星以上吧。故事不够精彩。保健品啥时候彻底治一治
不能当做电影，作为网大还凑合。故事完整，结构工整，整体四平八稳，没什么大毛病。故事来源于生活，很多细节处理的不错，但是质感差，演技生涩，总感觉在看张达明。结局过于完美，甚至有点“说教”意味。一个老赖折腾了债主一帮人一晚上，出了那么多事，最后连个赔偿和利息都没有，债主最后就拿到个借条还乐的屁颠颠的。钱是真不能借！
意想不到的好笑有意思，几条线交织呼应得很有趣
由本片可知，石家庄晚上的出租车，真的的很闲
几乎是如出一辙的故事梗概和套路，已经不适用于今天了。一如既往的，前半段的整活有多生猛、多刺激、 多逗乐，后半段的折腾就有多励志、多煽情、多正能量。梦想不灭，冤家不断。
邢冬冬之于李洪绸，存在代差，至少非常保镖和此部观感很是一般，小庄和阿羽双男主设定如恒，多线叙事逻辑自洽玩的不太溜，三星，还须努力
警笛声，让我想起了李老师他们的无奈
还行吧，电影里的男主A真像张达明，男主B真像王自贱。
个人感觉这部戏有点类似于《杀不死》，剧情紧凑，一晚上发生的故事，各种反转，让人不舍得中断，一口气刷完，当相对论乐队《压路机》BGM响起的时候，我也热血沸腾了，五星好评！
还有为啥老有高考情结啊！是河北传媒学院的学生都觉得自己应该重新高考嘛。。哈哈哈哈
剧情紧凑，有少许硬伤，但是影片娱乐性还是不错的，总体不那么搞笑却让人意犹未尽，适合休息的时候看
李洪绸小宝团队的作品确实很对胃口，早先的毛骗三部曲就不说了，隔了好几年又在2021年相继看了网大非常保镖、网剧杀不死、超短网剧城市的边缘，以及本片，虽然客观上质量并不都高，但观看体验就都挺舒服的，轻松惬意
你好，能用一下你的手机吗？
好看好看 所有的剧情都能串在一起 不愧是你们
不应该6.9分啊，看到狐狸老大出来了，哈哈哈哈哈痘痘还是和以前一样多。包哥每次出场都意外哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈，不是啊 我觉得这不是优映的分数段啊。
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